From Hanukkah gelt to
peppermint bark to reindeer cookies; you can't toss a Santa hat three feet
without it landing in a mountain of sweet, sugary treats this time of year.
The holidays also bring out
two characters extremely challenging to dieters attempting to stay the course
through the most difficult time of year. So, in the interest of peaceful
family get-togethers and company parties, I provide advice on how to deal with
the ever-present "Food Police" and "Food Pushers."
One can tell when the
former is within earshot because you'll hear: "Is that on your diet?"
or "Should you be eating that?" Unfortunately, no matter how
carefully worded and lovingly delivered, it always comes across as (delivered
in the tone of a schoolyard taunt), "Neener-neener-neener! I caught you
cheating!" First tip: Override the initial reaction to share what you are
eating rather forcefully by shoving it in his face. The sad truth is that will
not make the situation better; worse yet, your next meal might be served
through bars.
On the other extreme is the
"Food Pusher," who sings a different carol, attempting to stuff you
with all manner of delights. One recognizes her by the guilt-inducing
expressions, "I made it just for you" or "One bite won't
hurt."
Although these personality
types appear opposites - one attempts to keep you from what you want and the
other is forcing on you what you don't - they are actually related. Each
person's is really trying to help you be happier. The "cop" does this
by attempting to keep you on the straight and narrow, while the other provides
"permission" to relax and cut loose.
Once we understand that
motivation, we can handle them - without violence - by utilizing the "3
Rs."
Step 1: Recognize the
intent of the person, not the action.
There is an old proverb,
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Assuming the person
offering the unwanted solicitation is someone with whom you can usually get
along, job one is to slow down your reaction long enough to understand that he
or she just wants to make sure you're successful on your diet (from the view of
the "cop"), or that you're having a good time (from the view of the
"pusher.")
If we focus on those
intentions, rather than the words or actions, we're half way there. Therefore
we could now respond with something such as, "Thank you for the
suggestion" (to the "Cop"), or "That's very nice of you to
make this for me" (to the "pusher"). This alerts them that you
appreciate their helpfulness.
Step 2: Reflect how you
feel.
Next, we must - gently -
school them so they comprehend how you feel about what the action so they don't
do it again. For example: (cop) "However, when you watch over me, I get
defensive," or (pusher) "I'm proud of my weight loss. When you offer
me those cookies, I'm afraid I'll go off track and I don't want that to
happen." We don't blame; we just state our feelings.
Step 3: Redirect the
behavior.
Finally, since they are
trying to help, let's give them a constructive assignment. We do this by
redirecting them; satisfying their good intentions. Again, an illustration
might be, (cop) "What would really help me is if you'd go for a walk with
me later." To the "pusher" we might explain, "If you could
cut up some fruit for me next time, that would be a treat I'd like."
To stay successful this
holiday season, without being a hermit, utilize the "Three Rs:"
Recognize. Reflect. Redirect. It won't always work. But when it does, it's
worth the minor effort it takes. Plus, it reduces family and workplace drama,
and that's a great gift all to its own.
Scott "Q" Marcus
is a motivational weight loss expert who specializes on helping baby boomers
live happier, healthier lives. He is a professional speaker, Syndicated
Columnist, and the CRP (Chief Recovering Perfectionist) of ThisTimeIMeanIt.com,
a site for people who are tired of making promises to themselves but are
willing to do what it takes to actually makes changes. In addition, he conducts
speeches, workshops, and presentations throughout the country on how to achieve
goals, improve attitude, and enjoy the process.
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